there's paper in my vomit.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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