I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
