Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
