Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize