I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize