Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
