Banned from zoo.
Again?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
