Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
