It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
