I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
