We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
