Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
