also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
