I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
