You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
