You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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