Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
