Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
