we need to drink 2009 down the drain
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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