JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
