dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
