taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
