You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
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