Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
this just has baby written all over it
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
