I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
