Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
