even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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