That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
