he wants to bone in the snuggie
Operation Purity has been aborted
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
