is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
