They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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