my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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