um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
