it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize