You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
