I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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