let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
