Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
