he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
