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My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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