You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Randomize