Plan B is the new Plan A
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
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