He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
