you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Randomize
