I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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