you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
