tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
