She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He? As in you personified your dick?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
