I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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