My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
