Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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