if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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