Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
