ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
