I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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