I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
