I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
