Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
