Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
