I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
