YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
