Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
