Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
