Just took my morning after pill in the library
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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