if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize