drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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