Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize