i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
