and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
