the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We have started to decorate penises.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
