This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
