My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
