I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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