just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
